STORY VII

The Little Book & The Big Problem

As much as they try to tell you, not all wizards are smart! Sometimes they are the stupidest people you may ever have the misfortune of meeting! The terrible fate of the Zero Book comes to mind, my dear readers, when I think of people who think they're too smart and magical for their own good!

There once were two wizards: Gaiius Ulchemar and Korrin Highplain. Both were in charge of taking care of a very special book called the Zero Book. The Zero Book was what the two wizards should have been like: smart for its age, full of helpful information, but did not think highly of itself! It had no ego at all, as all normal books do. The Zero Book was a precious artefact because of the bounty of incredible information inside its wondrous pages. It had helped many a scientist, philosopher and curious bookworm alike!

Gaiius and Korrin, thought to be the wisest and strongest wizards in the land at the time, were tasked to oversee the book for some time. There was much a to-do about the book, as more people, far and wide, had heard about the Zero Book's great wisdom and wanted to come read it. But that also came with danger: could someone take it? Could someone fear its knowledge, and try to destroy it? Sometimes scared people do very silly things. But Gaiius and Korrin were diligent in their protection of the book.

This was all well and good for some time. The two of them would spend their days in the Hall of Fanged Prayers of Babouh Ridge, where the book resided, greeting the scholars who had been permitted to visit, read the book and use its knowledge in their work. But still the demand for visitors are incredibly high. Gaiius and Korrin themselves had read the Zero Book - they thought it was marvellous. They became passionate about how the Zero Book could be shared with all. What if the work could be copied into more books?

Gaiius and Korrin searched and discovered the Viburnum Order in the west (named after a plant - but it's a big monastery). They heard about the monks there and how they were some of the most talented scribes in the world. And reputable too! "Excellent," they said. "We can take the book there and have copies written".

But the Zero Book was so famous, and Gaiius and Korrin also well known, that they weren't sure how to take the book there safely. The book would surely earn a fortune to a black-hearted thief.

"I know," said Gaiius to Korrin one night, over a slice of strawberry pie. "I will turn it invisible so it cannot be seen."

"No," Korrin retorted. "Invisibility can be detected. Perhaps I can transport it to another realm, and it will return to me when I call it."

"Now that is silly," Gaiius scoffed, putting down his fork. "If anything were to go wrong with your magic, we would never see it again!"

"If you have any better ideas, better than a mere invisibility spell, I would like to hear it!"

And thus the wizards argued. They could not come to an agreement on how best to transport the book. Both felt the incredible pressure of keeping the book safe but simply could not entertain any ideas other than their own! These wizards, like a lot of wizards you see, were solitary creatures. The idea of teamwork was lost on them...

This rift grew into anger and anxiety the closer the date of the trip came. On the morning of the  departure, having shouted at each other since the moment they had gotten up, things finally came to a boil with magic! In their fury, Gaiius and Korrin started throwing spells at each other - nothing dangerous, they later protested: "just enough to ruffle feathers". But who can say!

But what I can say is this: the two dozen spells bounced around the Hall of Fanged Prayers, flying through windows and hitting statues, until... can you guess? They hit the Zero Book! Something that the wizards cast hit the book and shrunk it!

Both wizards saw and stopped immediately, aghast. One gingerly walked over to the altar and picked it up. My dear readers, the divine Zero Book was no bigger than a summer strawberry. And they couldn't seem to turn it back, no matter what these two professed cleverclogs tried!

What's that you say? If the Zero Book is small now, surely it's become easier to transport, and thus harder to steal? You're absolutely right - better for the trip. But what's the point of transporting a book anywhere when you can't read the tiny text inside it!?

Folly, I tell you. Folly. That's why you must never trust a mage or a wizard on just their fancy tricks, or the girth of their spell books. Spend some time with them first to check that they're worldly smart too!

But something you can always rely on, and pertinent to our story, is the deliciousness of a strawberry. Versatile, beautiful and always tasty, there's a reason they are such a rare treat. But if you are lucky enough to happen upon a few of them, you should double down on your luck with a delicious strawberry pie. All of the joy of a strawberry, but none of the guilt of deforming a sacred treasure...

[A detailed recipe for Tellerra Tickletooth's Edifying Strawberry Pie]